As long as I can I will look at this world for both of us. As long as I can I will laugh with the birds and animals, I will sing with the flowers, I will pray to the stars, for both of us. xxx

Christmas 2023. Grief during the holidays can feel like living two lives, one where you pretend everything is ok, surrounded by all the joy and festivities, the other is where your heart silently screams in pain, missing what once was. So very true, words can't describe just how much I miss you from my life, the pain and the solitude is overwhelming

I think you think you know what you are getting into. I think you think you’re ready, that you understand that letting go comes…….easy, ……that its second nature. I think that at some level we all wish this was true. But we never really know how attached we are or how accustomed we’ve become to having and holding, to seeing and saying “I love you” I think we spend so much time promising to never leave. Not because we think we would, but because if we never left them then they would never leave us. And I think its safe to be honest: the latter hurts more! When they leave, they leave holes, voids and emptiness that we believe simple can’t be filled. I think it’s true what they say about time. That time heals, but its funny - no-one ever tell us that time forgets…..I think its because it isn’t true. You never forget their absence, those significant days, the ones you wish the calendar would simply skip. We close our eyes to them but even in darkness we’re reminded: things are complicatedly simple and altogether different. I think we think we know how to handle death, how to stay present in the land of the living when the one we love isn’t. But I think if we were honest we’d admit that we have not got a clue! We just wake up and do it. Lyrics from a song entitled Selah by the American band, ‘This patch of Sky’, from their album, ‘Heroes and Ghosts’